Cinco de Mayo was, for me, the day my world crumbled into oblivion.
“There I sat on the cold cement slab wondering to myself, Did they really need to make this so terribly uncomfortable? After all, wasn’t it humiliating enough to be here in the first place? For me it was devastating. I had never been in a place like this nor did I ever think I would be. Emotions stirred within me from the darkest corners of my soul. Betrayal and heartbreak took center stage.”
Those are lines from my memoirs. The ones I didn’t want to write. The ones that brought up feelings I had to fight off with the strongest of swords. Anger was a big one, but I conquered it! Fear and anxiety about writing and sharing the truth gave me chest pains and an ulcer (no, really, it did). Yet, in the struggle, I found gems. I discovered a teacher; many of them, in fact. I learned so much.
Because of the human nature, inherent in us all, I knew I would be judged.
I knew others that I wrote about would be labeled as well. I felt very vulnerable bringing these things to light, but I did not write this book for me nor did I write it for them and I didn’t write it with a vindictive heart to those who have caused me pain. I am the master of my life, not them. My pain is mine, not theirs and I value it. I didn’t write so I could continue to be a victim. I knew that would only put me in a cage.
I wrote these memoirs for you; for the person who has suffered heartache, loss, discouragement, anguish or chronic and intense physical pain (which can make you crazy, BTW). It’s my way of connecting with you so that I can hopefully send you a lifeline. I knew I would have to be transparent and I’m okay with that. I want you to know you are not alone.
Sometimes that’s all the boost we need to get through another day.
It is also a reminder of the diamonds we have in life; the little things that, with a fresh perspective, can bring us so much meaning and comfort when we need it the most. Click here to learn more about my book.
P.S. This is my first published blog post and I’m not even experiencing chest pain or anxiety. Okay, maybe a little.
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